The danger of feeling good

I’m having a good day today. Days like today are dangerous.

I woke up groggy but feeling ok. The sun was shining and the weather warming up. I’ve been sleeping better, making myself stick to a “normalish” day/night cycle. I have also been eating a little better lately, making a conscious effort to undo the damage of my lockdown chocolate and alcohol intake. I’ve been getting plenty of electrolyte solution and other fluids into me, along with good pre and probiotics. I’ve been resting, meditating, and arting to recharge my reserves. My mental health is all over the place, but I’m ok today.

On days like today I feel normal… ish.

I have a splitting headache, which comes and goes depending on what I’m doing. My hips, feet, and shoulders hurt. I have low grade nausea and I’m having a lot of dizzy spells. But I’m feeling much better than normal, despite those symptoms. I can almost convince myself it’s just how I slept, or what I ate, or the bright sunlight making me feel off.

Today, I was able to go out and do relatively normal activities, as long as I used my walker or a cane. I met my in-laws for lunch in a cafe. I could skip, behind my walker, through a car park, or dance along to “Sway” as I walked through the mall (this made someone smile, which is always nice).

Days like today make me feel like a bit of a fraud.

It’s funny how a good day can so quickly erase the memory of the bad days. When we feel “normal-ish” we forget that skipping and dancing are dangerous, or that not having to sit down every few metres is a luxury. It’s easy to forget that I feel good because I have tools to help me, and because I actively rested for days. It’s also easy to feel like it might last forever.

Days like this are incredibly dangerous.

Days like today can result in long, leisurely walks in the sun.

Days like today tempt me to do some gardening.

Days like today make me think I should clean the house from top to bottom.

Days like today feel like good days to go for a run.

Days like today make it so easy to overdo it.

Days like today can cost me long term functionality.

Days like today can permanently damage my body’s ability to make energy from food.

Days like today can result in becoming bedridden or needing to be tube fed.

Days like today are hard.

Days like today are an exercise in willpower.

Days like today are the marshmallow experiment in action.

Days like today can make or break.


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