Not a good day

I woke up craving a sweet, syrupy raspberry flavour with a very particular mouthfeel and sort of tingling on the lips… the liquid paracetamol I used to have as a child. I guess that means my body is hurting.

I’ve been doing so well lately, my covid vaccination giving me a good 8 weeks of significantly reduced symptoms, but that started slipping away about 4 weeks ago.

This particular bout of pain and inflammation has come from acting on the desire for exercise. I did about 10 or 15 minutes of bodyweight exercises (squats, lunges, press ups etc) on Friday. Yesterday I attended a brass band concert which left me shaking from the excessive sensory input. Today, I am in bed, trying to stay awake while I watch cartoons on tv.

I miss running. I crave it like most people crave junk food, or a smoker craves a cigarette. I dream about exercise, then wake up exhausted.

It’s a cruel bait and switch mugging. My body and mind are crying out and begging to move, but if I give them what they want, they beat me up and steal my wallet. If I don’t, they follow me around wailing at me.

If I wasn’t already in bed, I’d crawl under the covers and cry. I’m in a catch 22 situation with my body. There’s no winning. There’s no strategy that gives me what I need and keeps me safe from the payback.


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