How to make breakfast with cfs

1) find kitchen.

2) try to convince 3 year old ‘flatmate’ to help. She isn’t interested today. You’ll have to go it alone!

3) fill kettle with water.

4) put kettle on stove.

5) stare at the knobs on the stove while trying to work out which hob you need to turn in.

6) have vague and confuses internal conversation with yourself about where the coffee pot and egg pot usually go to try to work it out.

7) realise you have put the cordless kettle on the stove.

8) feel relieved that you didn’t get further.

9) put cordless kettle on its base and turn on.

10) check lid is closed this time, after leaving it open yesterday.

11) empty yesterday’s coffee from espresso pot. Fill receptacle with fresh coffee.

12) when water has boiled, pour into water tank of coffee pot.

13) Pour remaining water into medium saucepan.

14) place both on stove.

15) stare at stove knobs until pictures make sense.

16) Start appropriate hobs.

17) get bread from pantry.

18) put 2 slices of bread in toaster.

19) Put away remaining bread.

20) get cups out of cupboard.

21) get plates out of cupboard.

22) get spoons out of drawer.

23) retrieve toast from toaster.

24) while still hold hot toast search kitchen until you find the plates you are sure you just had. Place toast on plate.

25) Get bread out of pantry. Put more bread in toaster.

26) Put away bread.

27) Get eggs out of pantry.

28) get vinegar out of pantry.

29) add vinegar to pot of boiling water.

30) put away vinegar.

31) retrieve toast from toaster.

32) Walk around holding hot toast looking for plates you just had a couple of minutes ago. Find plates next to toaster.

33) Place toast on plate.

34) put away toaster

35) put eggs in pantry.

36) stir pot of water to create a whirlpool. Break… ?

37) Get eggs back out of pantry.

38) Stir pot of water. Break eggs into water.

39) Get ice cream out of freezer.

40) Scoop into cups for affogatos.

41) Put ice cream in pantry.

42) pour coffee onto ice cream.

43) Place coffee pot in sink.

44) Add tea spoons to cups.

45) Get knives and forks from drawer.

46) Put eggs away in pantry.

47) Find ice cream.

48) Put ice cream in freezer.

49) turn off coffee pot’s hob.

50) Scoops poached eggs from saucepan and drain against side of saucepan, place eggs on toast.

51) put coffee cups, cutlery, and plates on tray.

52) empty and rinse egg pan.

53) collect tray and check contents.

54) what’s that sound?

55) put down tray.

56) Turn off (gas) hob.

57) Take tray to bedroom table.

58) sit and eat breakfast.

59) go back to bed to recover.

60) Let husband clean up.


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